Skip to main content

4 Years as a Cancer Survivor

Today marks 4 years of remission. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma on February 2, 2011 and was declared cancer-free on January 4, 2012. Today I can exhale just a tiny bit more.

In the last 4 years I have learned that cancer will be a factor in my life for the rest of my life. It will never be something that I don't think about and carry with me. The fear of the cancer coming back or being diagnosed with a secondary cancer will always be in the back of my mind. I know the statistics by heart. I can recite my risk factors like they are written on the back of my hand. But I do my best  live my life beyond these numbers. To live with the hope that my story can be different. That hope gives me peace which I cling to. 

I have tried to ensure the fact that I am a cancer survivor does not define me but being realistic it will forever be a part of who I am. And I find my battle now is keeping my fear in check and live each day to the fullest - leaving as many pieces of me behind as I can for those that I love to carry with them no matter what happens. 

I didn't realize that as a cancer survivor my journey just wasn't  over once I heard those words, "cancer-free". Really, it was just the beginning of another part of my story and just like all stories there are certainly many ups and downs. 

The last few months have been tough. 3 of my fellow cancer warrior sisters have passed away - all from cancer. Besides the heaviness in my heart for the friends and family members of these sweet ladies it just makes me swallow a little harder as a cancer survivor. Another cancer sister who passed a couple of years ago once told me that she just wanted to die from anything else but cancer. Unfortunately this didn't happen for her as she finally lost her battle to this terrible disease. At the time I was still in treatment and I didn't fully grasp where she was fully coming from. Now I do.  

So today I rejoice and thank God from the depth of my soul for the last 4 years. My prayer is that I have many many more years of course. I want to know my children as adults. I want to see them live the beautiful lives that God has laid before them. I want to be their biggest fan and cheer them on in all that they choose to do. Regardless of how many years I am given I will do my best to cherish each and every moment as they are such a gift. 


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Peaceful Noise

I am a mom of five. My house is rarely quiet. My children make noise from sun-up to sun-down.  Between my baby's babbles, my 16 year old's deep conversations, and the other 3's seemingly constant requests there is someone always wanting my time and attention.  But if you sit and listen. Amongst the surface chaos you will find these moments of peace.  Peaceful noise.  When the squabbling stops and the encouragement begins. When they become each other's biggest fans. Their best advocates.  And their greatest defenders.  When one of the siblings puts their Legos down, sets their football aside, or puts a bookmark in their latest read to make the baby giggle and feel loved in a way only a big brother or sister can.  When you can hear your little one practice their new found skill of reading - you just can't help to beam with pride as you know they have just opened the door to a whole new world.  When you can hear them talk through a math problem they ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Random Ramblings from a 5 Time Mom

So for part of our Christmas this year we decided to take our kids to Disneyland. (More on this later.) While there this man struck up a conversation and he couldn't believe we brought all 5 of our children to Disneyland. Crazy concept - I know - taking ALL of our kids to Disneyland at the SAME time. We thought about making them all draw straws to see who we would leave at home but I couldn't find enough straws... Then we thought about leaving the baby behind but he was free and I can't say no to a bargain.... Just kidding!!!😊 But honestly, I hear this kind of stuff all the time. You should see when I take all of my kids to the grocery store, or better yet, a restaurant by myself. I want to tell people that I have 5 words for them.... I. Can. Read. Your. Lips. 😉 Most of the time it just makes me chuckle. (Unless they say something rude. Then I get irritated.) I know that the majority of the time people just don't understand it because they don't know it. If they k...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where Have I Been?

Recently I found myself in this place.  I don't really know how to describe it.  I felt like I was just completely closed off.  Like I had experienced so much heartache and pain in my life that I was just done.  I was done feeling.  I was definitely done being hurt. And if anyone had hurt me in the past - well I was done with them too.  After all, they had proven to be unsafe, unhealthy, and toxic to my life.  Why would I want to keep exposing myself to that?  I found myself in this place. And I didn't like.  I desperately wanted peace. And in my desperation I thought if I removed all the people that were robbing my peace... If I built those walls... If I just don't let them in... Somehow I would find peace.  But I was experiencing the exact opposite. And I was slowly beginning to give up on the idea that I could ever experience the type of peace I desired on this side of Heaven.  Several months ago I as invited to a conference and ...
Post a Comment
Read more