Just Like That... He's 17 [months]

Sweet baby Cayse is 17 months old today.

It seems like just yesterday that he was born.

I have loved every moment with this little man.

It has been such a gift.

He is beyond precious.

It is so fun watching him grow and learn each and every day - seeing his little (big) personality develop.

I am so thankful for my number five.

My beautiful boy.

So blessed.

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A Story of Sweet Baby Feet

I went into the room of my little boy, Cayse, the other 'morning while he was still sleeping and saw these sweet little feet poking out from under his blanket. I was immediately taken back to seven years ago when I was actually pregnant with him. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2011. I was placed in remission in 2012. We were told I would not be able to have any more kids due to all the treatment I had to receive so you can imagine our surprise when we found out we were expecting this sweet little man in 2014. At that time, I was struggling every single day with fatigue. I was barely able to take care of the 4 kids I had and here God was going to hand me another baby... I was scared. Then you add our history of pregnancy loss and the fact that I had who knows what steadily pumped into my body for nearly a year prior to this pregnancy... To top it all off, these sweet little feet.... Who would have known they would cause so much excitement. He would hold them just like this when

Mothering My Son Even Though He’s Gone

The other day I was reading an article from a mama who lost her daughter. She said that even though her daughter died she still had the strongest desire to continue on mothering her in any way she could. So she talked about her. Told stories about her. She acknowledged her life in every way she could. It clicked. That is the same desire I have for Kanton. It is my desire to continue on to mother him in any way I can. Hence the reason why I have put so much thought into where to bury him. Why I continue to talk about him and remember things like when was supposed to be his birthday. Why I fight so hard to keep the memory of him alive. It isn’t because I want to sit in this grief. It isn’t because I “was” his mother. It is because I am his mother. You just can’t turn that off. It goes to the very core of who I am. It goes back to my purpose here on earth. I know it is difficult for so many to understand. There are those who think that I should just move on alre

Peaceful Noise

I am a mom of five. My house is rarely quiet. My children make noise from sun-up to sun-down. Between my baby's babbles, my 16 year old's deep conversations, and the other 3's seemingly constant requests there is someone always wanting my time and attention. But if you sit and listen. Amongst the surface chaos you will find these moments of peace. Peaceful noise. When the squabbling stops and the encouragement begins. When they become each other's biggest fans. Their best advocates. And their greatest defenders. When one of the siblings puts their Legos down, sets their football aside, or puts a bookmark in their latest read to make the baby giggle and feel loved in a way only a big brother or sister can. When you can hear your little one practice their new found skill of reading - you just can't help to beam with pride as you know they have just opened the door to a whole new world. When you can hear them talk through a math problem they just did in their h

Andrea Gressman

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