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My Grief Journey

Three weeks ago we found out our baby boy was gone. At some point his precious heart stopped beating and I became the mother of a stillborn.

This has been a tremendously difficult journey for me. My heart is broken. I simply have no other way to describe it. I miss my sweet Kanton so much and a day has not gone by that I have not cried for him. I don't expect to have a day without tears anytime soon.

I have prayed and prayed for God to help me find a way to use this for some sort of good. I am honestly not sure if I have heard an answer to my prayer yet or not but I do feel like God is asking me to share some of my grief journey now - something that honestly terrifies me but I will be obedient nonetheless.

I have been writing continually since we found out our baby boy was gone. For as long as I can remember writing has been a tremendous outlet for me and God has used it to help me find healing during some of my toughest battles. I pray it becomes that for me again as I grieve for my son. So I will be sharing some of what I have been writing here.

I can tell you that this journey has not been pretty. It has been raw, excruciating, and ugly at times. So if you are looking for something continually uplifting then this is probably not the place for you right now. If you are looking for something real - well then that is something I can offer.

I am not posting to receive any kind of sympathy. I am not looking for people to say things to me to try to make me feel better. I am simply needing a place to dump my soul and hopefully get enough of the pain and grief out to allow the light to shine in again.

So here we go...


Other posts in this series:

The Beginning of Loss
The First of the Hard Decisions 
Put One Foot in Front of the Other
Leaving Him Behind
Telling Our Children Their Baby Brother was Gone
Planning the Funeral

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Comments

  1. UnknownJune 1, 2019 at 2:39 PM

    Please know that you are so very loved by so many, including me. When I was growing up, I also used writing as my means of coping with "life". What seemed like big problems then, were trivial, but at the time they were unsurmountable for me. Writing helped. And, it still does. I'm sure lots of us would like to be able to make things "all better" for you, but I recognize that we cannot, and that you will have to work your way through it as best you know how … with the help of our precious Father. One day we will see the big picture and be better able to comprehend the why's of things, but for now, just lean on Him knowing that He will see you through. I'm praying my head off for you. And I love you dearly.

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  2. UnknownJuly 8, 2019 at 6:32 PM

    So many mothers need to hear your story, to know they are not alone in their grief. My eyes have been opened to the pain and grief that so many experience with infant loss, miscarriages, and stillbirth. Thank you for your courage to share it. I know it is not easy. I'm glad you shared your blog with me!

    ReplyDelete

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