Andrea Gressman

The complexity of our emotions has always amazed me. How you can have joy for something and be sad for something all at the same time?... Literally feeling two completely opposite emotions at once. How is that even possible?  I absolutely believe God designed us that way for so many reasons but as I navigate through this grief I find myself in I can't help but to think He designed it specifically for this situation as well. Feeling joy for something during sorrow brings hope and hope is essential. You lose hope you lose it all. I grieve with hope.  Another example of this is having children on both sides of Heaven.  When people say or think... she just needs to enjoy the children she has. Or, she just needs to be thankful for the children she has. Or, at least she has other children.  (Yes! People say these types of things.) I don't think they are fully understanding the situation - at least my situation as that is the only one I can speak for....

There has been a lot of pain that Jason and I have experienced through the process of losing our son that there is simply no way to describe. No words will give it justice, no description is sufficient, and unless you have experienced it first hand, which I wouldn't wish upon anyone, I just don't feel like you can fully understand it. Telling our children that their brother had died is one of those experiences. As we walked into the house after saying goodbye to Kanton one of our sons met us at the door and joyfully asked as he had done so many times in the previous weeks, "How is the baby? Is the baby okay?" My heart sank even more. They all loved their baby brother so much and were so excited for his arrival. Each and every day they would ask me how he was doing, if he was kicking a lot, when I thought I would have him, along with a million other questions about him.... and now we had to tell them that they will never see their baby brother this side of Heaven...

I am a mom of five. My house is rarely quiet. My children make noise from sun-up to sun-down.  Between my baby's babbles, my 16 year old's deep conversations, and the other 3's seemingly constant requests there is someone always wanting my time and attention.  But if you sit and listen. Amongst the surface chaos you will find these moments of peace.  Peaceful noise.  When the squabbling stops and the encouragement begins. When they become each other's biggest fans. Their best advocates.  And their greatest defenders.  When one of the siblings puts their Legos down, sets their football aside, or puts a bookmark in their latest read to make the baby giggle and feel loved in a way only a big brother or sister can.  When you can hear your little one practice their new found skill of reading - you just can't help to beam with pride as you know they have just opened the door to a whole new world.  When you can hear them talk through a math problem they ...