Andrea Gressman

Shortly after the funeral we started getting calls and texts for other life things. Bills showed up in the mail, our kids/'schedules carried on, my husband's work schedule resumed.... the world kept going and I didn't... I wrote the following in my journal: "My world has stopped - but no one else's did. How do you keep on functioning in a world that keeps moving when you are at a stand still?" The best way I can describe it is like I am in a fog. I don't want to be but just like a real fog you don't have a lot of control over it. It is just the reality of being in deep grief I guess. In all honesty I am not resentful or bitter that other people's worlds have carried on. That's just life. It wasn't their child that died. But I do have a hard time with those who expect the same from me. Just being real here which I promised from the beginning of this process that I would be. I can tell you the sweetest words I have heard through th...

One month ago today we found out Kanton's  heartbeat was gone.  I am not sure how it has been a month already as if feels like we just found out yesterday.  It has been a tough month.  That is probably a huge understatement.  The grief is still so very raw. I still cry everyday for my boy - several times a day.   Everything reminds me of him. The birds. The butterflies. The rain.  I find myself staring at the clouds wondering what Heaven is like and what he is doing there without me.  I have read a lot of scripture.  I have read several devotionals. Some help more than others.  Being is public is still very hard for me.  I feel like the emotions are just under the surface and I never know when something is going to cause them to overflow. I find it to be a little easier when I am in a place where no one knows my story.   But then in a second something - or nothing - can happen that brings all my emo...

What beautiful words. Prayer. Strength. Love. And for these to all be connected by joy. Something that seems so simple but yet is so very profound.  For without joy what is life? Just an existence. Empty and absent.  As I seek joy in 2016 I am challenging myself to find joy in all things on an even deeper level.  To not let a single moment pass by me without capturing the joy of that moment.  Even in the seemingly mundane or unpleasant.  There is something good in all things if only we choose to see it.  My joy is my own.  It is no one else's to take.  But it is mine to freely give.