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The Beginning...

This is the first posting of my new blog. I am currently breaking off from my family blog where I use to post all my "daily ramblings", my thoughts, insight, and devotionals. I am afraid that I am boring that audience to death and so I am starting this one. That way if you want to read my "daily ramblings" then you can with more intention.
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My Grief Journey

Three weeks ago we found out our baby boy was gone. At some point his precious heart stopped beating and I became the mother of a stillborn. This has been a tremendously difficult journey for me. My heart is broken. I simply have no other way to describe it. I miss my sweet Kanton so much and a day has not gone by that I have not cried for him. I don't expect to have a day without tears anytime soon. I have prayed and prayed for God to help me find a way to use this for some sort of good. I am honestly not sure if I have heard an answer to my prayer yet or not but I do feel like God is asking me to share some of my grief journey now - something that honestly terrifies me but I will be obedient nonetheless. I have been writing continually since we found out our baby boy was gone. For as long as I can remember writing has been a tremendous outlet for me and God has used it to help me find healing during some of my toughest battles. I pray it becomes that for me again as I gri...
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To the Mamas of First Time College Students

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Planning the Funeral

While we were in the hospital preparing to deliver Kanton the hospital staff asked us if we wanted to have a funeral. I can't speak for my husband but I was actually caught completely off guard by the question. With our other losses, I guess because they weren't classified as a stillbirth, we were never asked that question. I can say the first thing we both thought was - no - no, we wouldn't have a funeral. We hadn't done a funeral before with our other losses and this time wouldn't be any different. Personally, the idea of a funeral sounded beyond painful. Jason and I would just hunker down and grieve privately like we had with the others.  However, one of the nurses gently pressed us a little more on the idea of having a funeral. She reminded us that our children were older this time around and it would be helpful to them to be able to say goodbye to their brother. I still wasn't thrilled about the idea just because I knew how difficult it would be...
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