4 Years as a Cancer Survivor

Today marks 4 years of remission. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma on February 2, 2011 and was declared cancer-free on January 4, 2012. Today I can exhale just a tiny bit more.

In the last 4 years I have learned that cancer will be a factor in my life for the rest of my life. It will never be something that I don't think about and carry with me. The fear of the cancer coming back or being diagnosed with a secondary cancer will always be in the back of my mind. I know the statistics by heart. I can recite my risk factors like they are written on the back of my hand. But I do my best live my life beyond these numbers. To live with the hope that my story can be different. That hope gives me peace which I cling to.

I have tried to ensure the fact that I am a cancer survivor does not define me but being realistic it will forever be a part of who I am. And I find my battle now is keeping my fear in check and live each day to the fullest - leaving as many pieces of me behind as I can for those that I love to carry with them no matter what happens.

I didn't realize that as a cancer survivor my journey just wasn't over once I heard those words, "cancer-free". Really, it was just the beginning of another part of my story and just like all stories there are certainly many ups and downs.

The last few months have been tough. 3 of my fellow cancer warrior sisters have passed away - all from cancer. Besides the heaviness in my heart for the friends and family members of these sweet ladies it just makes me swallow a little harder as a cancer survivor. Another cancer sister who passed a couple of years ago once told me that she just wanted to die from anything else but cancer. Unfortunately this didn't happen for her as she finally lost her battle to this terrible disease. At the time I was still in treatment and I didn't fully grasp where she was fully coming from. Now I do.

So today I rejoice and thank God from the depth of my soul for the last 4 years. My prayer is that I have many many more years of course. I want to know my children as adults. I want to see them live the beautiful lives that God has laid before them. I want to be their biggest fan and cheer them on in all that they choose to do. Regardless of how many years I am given I will do my best to cherish each and every moment as they are such a gift.

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