In my last post... Seven Years... I talked about where I was at in the present. Definitely some mixed emotions. It is hard not to get stuck in the reality of my situation and knowing how much closer I am getting to my higher risk of a secondary cancer. It is really hard in fact. Sometimes it takes some work to let the "grateful to be alive" trump the "what if I am diagnosed again." I am just being real here.
My next blog will be the results of today. I am currently sitting in the doctor's office awaiting the results....
I am so joyfully overwhelmed to announce that I am now a cancer survivor. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it... cancer survivor, cancer survivor, cancer survivor. Okay, I will stop now.
I do think that I am a bit in denial still because it just doesn't seem real yet....
11 months and 2 days ago was one of the hardest days of my life. It was my "d-day" (diagnosis day). It was something that I certainly never expected to happen at 31 years of age.
Throughout the last 11 months there have been many hard days. Days that I was so weak I couldn't even get out of bed. Days where I couldn't keep one ounce of food down. Days where every ounce of my body ached so badly that I almost couldn't stand it....but not today.
After thousands upon thousands of prayers said on my behalf from countless different locations across the world - our prayers have been answered. I am cancer free.
I was trying to think of a way to describe my feelings at this moment. Then I thought of a roller-coaster ride. There are the ups and the downs and being yanked from side-to-side and then you climb the big mountain. You are fearful with anticipation and then you get to the top where your fear peaks.... then you stop just for a moment and there is that moment where gravity hasn't taken affect yet and you just have joy.... That is where I am right now. Floating. Joyful. Rejoicing.
This is not the end of my ride by any means. I have many months ahead of me of tests, observations, and gaining my strength back day-by-day. But for now I am just going to sit back and enjoy the rest of this ride. It has been a long one.
All glory goes to God for without him I would not be here today. He gave me the strength and courage to walk this out day-by-day, moment-by-moment. He never left my side and I am truly grateful that he gave me this gift of life. That he has allowed me to stay here with my husband and children. I can do nothing else but weep with joy.
After we left the doctor's office I just sat and cried. It was like I had so much emotion pinned up inside of me and it just came flowing out. I told Jason that this journey began with tears and ended with tears... but I definitely prefer these kinds of tears.
My children are filled with joy today as well. I told them and my six-year-old asked me... "Can I say a cheer mommy?" Sure, why not! They chanted... Mommy's cancer free, mommy's cancer free. I am so grateful for them. I am so grateful to be their mother. I am just grateful!
Anyway, I can go on and on but I will finish this up for now. Just know that the Gressman house is definitely rejoicing tonight!
Andrea
In my pursuit of wanting my "heart of gratitude" outshine all the doubt I thought it would be helpful to reflect on where I was 7 years ago. I blogged continually during my treatment. I am so thankful for this record in so many ways although it is so hard to go back and read sometimes.
Funny story... someone actually reported my blog as being "offensive" on Facebook and it was banned from being posted there. So that is when I had to come up with another one and to be honest, that was really disheartening to me and
I had two blog posts that day... Here is the first....
God's Faithfulness...
So, I just had to share... as we were driving into town today I couldn't help but to be in awe of the beautiful mountains and the blue sky. There was a hot-air balloon even and it made me smile. I felt the warmth of the sun and that is when it happened... I felt the most intense peace once again. I have shared about that before...a peace beyond all understanding. It was 9:12 a.m.
And I just know everything will be okay.
And I just know everything will be okay.
My next blog will be the results of today. I am currently sitting in the doctor's office awaiting the results....
Here is the second....
{Rejoicing Today} I am Cancer Free!
For those of you who have been keeping up on my blog you know that today was a big day for us. Today I found out if I needed more treatment or if my scan was clear....
I am so joyfully overwhelmed to announce that I am now a cancer survivor. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it... cancer survivor, cancer survivor, cancer survivor. Okay, I will stop now.
I do think that I am a bit in denial still because it just doesn't seem real yet....
11 months and 2 days ago was one of the hardest days of my life. It was my "d-day" (diagnosis day). It was something that I certainly never expected to happen at 31 years of age.
Throughout the last 11 months there have been many hard days. Days that I was so weak I couldn't even get out of bed. Days where I couldn't keep one ounce of food down. Days where every ounce of my body ached so badly that I almost couldn't stand it....but not today.
After thousands upon thousands of prayers said on my behalf from countless different locations across the world - our prayers have been answered. I am cancer free.
I was trying to think of a way to describe my feelings at this moment. Then I thought of a roller-coaster ride. There are the ups and the downs and being yanked from side-to-side and then you climb the big mountain. You are fearful with anticipation and then you get to the top where your fear peaks.... then you stop just for a moment and there is that moment where gravity hasn't taken affect yet and you just have joy.... That is where I am right now. Floating. Joyful. Rejoicing.
This is not the end of my ride by any means. I have many months ahead of me of tests, observations, and gaining my strength back day-by-day. But for now I am just going to sit back and enjoy the rest of this ride. It has been a long one.
All glory goes to God for without him I would not be here today. He gave me the strength and courage to walk this out day-by-day, moment-by-moment. He never left my side and I am truly grateful that he gave me this gift of life. That he has allowed me to stay here with my husband and children. I can do nothing else but weep with joy.
After we left the doctor's office I just sat and cried. It was like I had so much emotion pinned up inside of me and it just came flowing out. I told Jason that this journey began with tears and ended with tears... but I definitely prefer these kinds of tears.
My children are filled with joy today as well. I told them and my six-year-old asked me... "Can I say a cheer mommy?" Sure, why not! They chanted... Mommy's cancer free, mommy's cancer free. I am so grateful for them. I am so grateful to be their mother. I am just grateful!
Anyway, I can go on and on but I will finish this up for now. Just know that the Gressman house is definitely rejoicing tonight!
Blessings and love to all!
Andrea
I couldn't help but to get tears in my eyes after reading that. It was pure joy.
May you be blessed wherever you are and wherever you are at in your journey of faith.
Andrea
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