Two Months Gone

Two months ago today we found out our baby was gone.

And in case anyone is wondering - no, it hasn’t gotten any easier.

I still miss him every single moment of every single day.

My heart is still broken.
It certainly hasn’t gone away.
I am absolutely not “better”.
I still physically ache for his loss.
I still cry every single day.

Yesterday I was at a store and randomly the cashier told me that in August it will be 5 years since she lost her son.

My heart melted.

Then I felt this heavinesss to share with her that I just lost my son as well.
Two months ago tomorrow, I said.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “It never gets easier and it never goes away.”
Then she came around to my side of the counter and gave me a hug.

I fought the tears as hard as I could but the emotions won.
We both cried.

She said, “It doesn’t matter how old they are when you lose them, you will miss him the rest of your life.”

I know she is right.

Every day there are still so many reminders of him.
I would have been less than 3 weeks away from having him.
We would be so close to finally meeting him.
But instead I wake up every day and have to remind myself that he is really gone.

Things have gotten particularly hard with my 4 year old.
He just wants to see his baby brother.
None of my explanations are sufficient for him.
I do my best to answer his questions and comfort him but we are very much in the same boat.
We just miss him.