Andrea Gressman

In life, there will be people who will just always seem to be against you.  It won't matter what you do -  it will be wrong.  It won't matter what you say - it will be wrong.  You won't be enough.  You will be too much.  Your intentions will be misunderstood.  Your explanations will be invalidated.  The list goes on and on.  It can be so discouraging..... if you let it.  Tonight I was able to take part in a wonderful Bible study and it was such a great reminder to me of how we are in control of how we choose to react to the different circumstances of our life - both good and bad.  We can stay humble.  We can stay kind.  We can continue to take joy despite our circumstances.  It isn't always easy and sometimes it takes work but God gives us so many examples in the Bible to provide us the encouragement we need to press on.  Tonight our study was on Philippians.  I want to pull out two specific verses: And I am...

For as long as I can remember I have been a verbal processor.  Since I was a small girl I remember my chosen method of processing has been the written word. That is where I feel most comfortable with my own "voice".  For those of you who have followed us as family over the past decade or longer you know that while I was battling cancer I wrote almost every single day. It was how I could connect with God and how I could cope with the battle I was in. It was also the one way I knew that I could leave a piece of myself here for my husband and my children if God decided to call me home.  If you were following us two years ago you know when I gave birth to my sweet Kanton Jasper, who was born sleeping, that I spent a great deal of time writing about my grief and how I was processing it. Again, it helped me process along with preserved his memory.  Writing is just what I have been able to do to help me cope with the things that life throws at me.  In fact, I feel so m...

To the mama of that first-time college student. First, take a deep breath and know it is all going to be okay. I know that is easy for me to say as that is not my child you are having to release but please know that I was sitting right where you are now a year ago. In fact, I just dropped my oldest son back off at school yesterday so he can start his sophomore year and it really made me pause and reflect. Then I remembered all that I felt the year before and knew there would be other mamas that would be feeling the exact same way this year and might need a little encouragement.   So here we are. You see, I didn’t know how I was going to do dropping my first-born off and driving away. His entire senior year I would have these moments where it would just hit me that he was going to be leaving and I would get a little choked up. Okay, sometimes a lot choked up! However, my son is incredibly tuned into my emotions and I certainly didn’t want to make anything any harder on him...

The other day I was reading an article from a mama who lost her daughter. She said that even though her daughter died she still had the strongest desire to continue on mothering her in any way she could. So she talked about her. Told stories about her. She acknowledged her life in every way she could.   It clicked.  That is the same desire I have for Kanton. It is my desire to continue on to mother him in any way I can. Hence the reason why I have put so much thought into where to bury him. Why I continue to talk about him and remember things like when was supposed to be his birthday. Why I fight so hard to keep the memory of him alive.  It isn’t because I want to sit in this grief. It isn’t because I “was” his mother. It is because I am his mother. You just can’t turn that off. It goes to the very core of who I am. It goes back to my purpose here on earth.  I know it is difficult for so many to understand. There are those who think that I shoul...

As I have shared on here before one of my struggles through the loss of my son is where to bury him. I know this would not be an issue for everyone out there, and that is okay, but it has been an issue for me. The funeral home has been so very kind in letting me have the time I need to find the peace I need for this next step. They graciously said they would take care of my sweet Kanton until my heart was settled. Ultimately, I want my son's body close to me right now. I want to be able to visit him often. I finally felt like my heart was settling on a little cemetery that I can literally see from my back yard. I told my husband that I wanted him in the closest corner to our house. Well, this week my husband went and spoke to the man who runs the cemetery. There were only 3 plots left and one of the plots is the exact same plot I wanted. I felt this overwhelming feeling when I heard this. Like God was saying: I knew this would be hard for you and I saved a spot for ...

Two months ago today we found out our baby was gone. And in case anyone is wondering - no, it hasn’t gotten any easier. I still miss him every single moment of every single day. My heart is still broken. It certainly hasn’t gone away. I am absolutely not “better”. I still physically ache for his loss. I still cry every single day. Yesterday I was at a store and randomly the cashier told me that in August it will be 5 years since she lost her son. My heart melted. Then I felt this heavinesss to share with her that I just lost my son as well. Two months ago tomorrow, I said. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “It never gets easier and it never goes away.” Then she came around to my side of the counter and gave me a hug. I fought the tears as hard as I could but the emotions won. We both cried. She said, “It doesn’t matter how old they are when you lose them, you will miss him the rest of your life.” I know she is right. Every day there are sti...

This post is changing pace for me a bit. I still wanted to share as it was laid on my heart this morning as I was thinking of and praying for my children. We are a baseball family. Both my husband and I played ball and love the sport tremendously. Currently I have 4 kids playing on 4 different teams so that definitely keeps us hopping. My oldest played when he was younger but it just wasn't his thing and that is totally okay. We want our kids to play a variety of sports so they can get a feel for them all and then they are free to choose which ones they enjoy the most and focus on those. We do value sports in general a great deal as we do feel like you learn a variety of important life skills while participating. But that is a post for another day. My boys are all so very different. They have different likes and dislikes, different talents, and very different personalities. We do our best to help each one of them navigate through life and develop the character they need t...